I’ve been feeling a little bit down lately; despite getting lots of exercise (way more than I used to), sunlight, and eating pretty okay when I manage to eat, I’ve been very spotty at taking my medication.
I self-medicate with a bunch of other stuff but often that’s at the expense of my actual doctor-prescribed Citalopram. When I take it, this stuff is magic. The side effects (slight nausea, boost in energy) are negligible compared to the benefits (making me not a crazy sad person all the time).
I started taking citalopram to deal with my depression, in the hopes that I could start tackling my anxiety without the use of medication. It’s been a few months now and the anxiety is coming back in full force, but without the depression to dull it.
So I don’t have severe panic attacks anymore, but I’m still scared to leave my bedroom in my share house to get a glass of water? Is this worth seeing a doctor about? Should I try and find a new therapist? Whatever. My art is suffering because I’m too scared to try new things.
in closing: I need a job and a new place to live and it’s time to set an alarm to remind me to take my meds.
And a song. This feels a little like my life for the past week.
I can’t be left alone now, for even a second
I’m a burden but at least I know it.
Most days are bad days
We can’t wait for someone to pull me off of the concrete
We stopped standing proud a year ago now
What you see is just a shell of who I used to be
I can’t believe I got this weak.